http://www.hypnoid.com/psytest2.html

You tend to draw and nurture others with your natural charisma. Rarely satisfied with petty details, you remain focused on the grander scheme of things. In affairs of the heart you are very practical and might be thought on occasion perfunctory or shallow. Oddly, though you have a natural tendency to lead, you have a very thin skin and can easily be hurt by a thoughtless comment or a cruel barb. There is a danger that you will take on more responsibility than you can reasonably be expected to manage. So eager are you to succeed, that on occasion you crash and burn when the reality of the situation rears its head. Often your wide circle of friends can be rather indiscriminate; care must be taken not to become entangled with those of questionable moral character. Admitting weakness isn’t easy for you. When proven not to be invulnerable it can come as a great surprise. Unresolved issues can trouble you deeply.

Bleeeeeeeeeeh. Yeah, I like him quite a bit haha.

I would write more but I'm hella tired right now. Fuck, it's almost 3am and I didn't even notice! Good night.

I am so pathetic.

Letting the words of one person affect me so much.

Freakin' lame, whatever happened to me feeling all independent and all my emotions depended solely on myself? My gosh, those days are gone and I miss it. If I had that mindset still then I wouldn't feel like today fucking sucks.

Grow the fuck up.

I can tell from Facebook, I guess some other person/crew keeps hating on TPC? Seriously, what the hell, leave that drama and attitude for middle school and high school. You guys are all in college, who in the world brings that shit with them. I'm not talking about TPC, I'm talking about this other guy, Xavier or something? I click on his facebook page and all I see are statuses full of insults towards TPC. I'm not just saying this because I know people in the crew and am friends with them, but I find it so immature to be starting beef like that. Not like I'll ever know the full story or anything, it's just that by the time you're in college... one part that makes college so much better than high school is that you get to leave all that kiddish drama shit behind you. When I look at Xavier's page, there are SIX statuses hating on TPC within the last two days. Can you really get anymore low than that? When I look at Don's, Nam's, or just anyone else's page from TPC, I can tell they really just don't give a fuck and find this beef annoying as hell. This hate or whatever isn't consuming their time nor getting to them, so I don't see why this Xavier guy cares.

Damn, just go back to high school if you're going to act like that. Be like those freshmen that love attention and start something out of nothing.

So, we've been talking for a tiny bit more than a year now and nothing has changed. I still like him, he possibly likes me? I don't know. We were able to finally hang out this past Monday since I happened to be in Bellevue, even though it ended up being a lot of trouble for him :( But anyways, that night I'm with Priscilla and Lynn, and we're all talking about our days.

Priscilla was talking about how she purposely left him and I alone at the mall, and apparently she even texted him, "I'm giving you so many opportunities here!", encouraging him to make a move I guess. I had no idea at the time she even texted him -_- It's funny though, even though we were together at the mall for a few hours, nothing happened. We talked like normal and nothing was awkward, but in terms of making a move, we both didn't initiate anything. At night when Silla and Lynn were talking to me, Silla was all, "Did he even try to hold your hand?!" and I just replied, "nahhh."

I guess from any outsider's point-of-view, we're crazy for having talked this long, and yet absolutely nothing whatsoever has happened. He beats around the bush a lot and is a shy person in general, I already know. The weird part is... I don't even care. I don't care if he never holds my hand, I don't care if he never gets a hint, I don't care if we never kiss, and so on. I mean sure, of course it'd be nice if some things happened like cuddling to a movie or just holding hands, but to me it's not a big deal. Physical moves are just physical moves, and they either happen or they don't. For a lot of people they'd probably be frustrated or have given up by now, but the reason I don't care is because I don't want a relationship. When Silla and Lynn talked to me, they were saying how guys can never understand hints, and why is he so shy, etc. I totally agree with everything they say, and they asked me about what I think. I just replied, "Yup! But oh well, It don't matteeeer". It's not like I want a relationship so it'd be dumb to fuss over things that couples do. I'm content as is, with our never-ending conversations and super long conversations on the phone, even though those phone calls are so rare since I've been so busy.

Seriously, who cares. All the little benefits of a relationship like holding hands, kissing... those things are nice, and if they happened then sure I'd be happy, but I'm not going to be sad/mad if they never ever do. What's the point of trying to pursue the parts of a relationship if I don't even want a relationship?

Today I used the word douche.

Weird.
Anyways, I've been so happy despite being so busy! I know what awaits me so everything I'm doing now feels rewarding, even if my rewards are mere temporary blessings.
What I need to get done by tomorrow 4pm: Calculus take-home midterm & email it to teacher, Japanese Bunpoo quiz online, Japanese homework, Theocratic Ministry School Review for church, English final draft & submit it, Bible reading, Watchtower, clean make up brushes, charge camera battery, pack and prepare for Sunday, and possibly English homework assigned Monday & Tuesday.

So much to do, but I'm excited because the moment 4pm hits tomorrow, I'm going to have fun for 3-4 days straight :) Going to Silla's, and then Sam is giving us a ride to Kollaboration. Then on Sunday after church I go straight to school to leave for FLC/DECA conference! ahhhhhhhh that's going to be so much fun! Even though I'm still pissed that we don't get to stay at the hotel's there because some lame people who can't afford it are going on the trip, I at least get to stay at Lynn's house overnight with Silla since we're keeping that a secret from mom :D Hooray, sleepless nights with my two favorite girls!

Life is good.

Super shady.

I'm so irritated at my aunt on my dad's side right now. Never have I known such a fucking shady bitch, putting your greed for money/material possessions over family matters. Not to mention you don't seem to ever earn or deserve any of the money you get, you just fucking take it when it's convenient..

Like when your own mom is going through health problems, you just want to "help" so you can get her house under your name. Fucking shady, trying to look so helpful and caring. You're just a selfish, two-faced monster that wants money money money. I hate you, my parents are doing so much for grandma/YOUR mom and you don't care about her until you find out you can get something out of it yourself, like grandma's house.

Fuck you.