My motivation is deteriorating once again, and I really need to get myself together. I'm slacking off in school AND church and it's a horrible feeling, seeing my grades not be up to the standard I set for myself first semester, and my procrastination is absolutely overtaking me. And for church, I'm not as diligent as I used to be, always preoccupied with the other anxieties of life when really it should be the other way around--I should be so preoccupied with church/God that I'm too busy to worry with the anxieties of life. At this moment, I kind of just feel like a failure, I'm going nowhere, fast. I haven't accomplished anything in the past few weeks other than get the accuplacers for Running Start over with. Thank goodness I passed though. But that's IT, I'm falling behind in everything else.
I need more sleep. I need to do my homework earlier. I need to pay better attention in all my classes so I can stop doing so horribly on tests. I need to PLAN ahead. I need to stop getting distracted. I need to get myself together spiritually too.
Honestly, I don't even really know what I've been doing all this time. It's not like I'm going out, chilling with friends constantly because I think I'm actually going out even less. I haven't fallen into a materialistic world or anything like that because I really just don't care for that sort of thing. I feel like I've done... nothing. Seriously, what the hell have I been doing?
I want to be more motivated to excel and focus everything I'm involved in at the moment, but it's so damn hard. I just want to fall into a deep sleep and wake up with everything alright.
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