I hate growing reliant on people. Hate it hate it hate it. I miss relying solely on myself for smiles, not necessarily being independent, but having that independent mentality. I miss having my happiness in my own hands, because I didn't have to crave for a certain someone to talk to me or a certain someone to make me laugh.

Hmm honestly, even though I'm in California right now, this summer isn't that great. It was only two days ago I finally texted Lynn to see what's been going on with her, and then yesterday I called Priscilla to catch up with her and we got to have those conversations I've dearly missed. I haven't been keeping touch with anyone, really, except for those two and that was after practically a week of not talking to them. Oh but I still text Pogo each day. I don't know, it's different though than during the school year because now he sleeps in until like 1pm each day while most days I'm up before 10am. So that's like half the day of not talking to him, and then those days when he has work -_- Also, I haven't called him since he had finals, which was like three weeks ago, because ever since his summer started, he's been able to go out a lot with his friends late at night practically everyday, and so I don't want to be a bother by calling at like 2am if he's with his homies. He says I wouldn't be a bother but still, I always have, and probably always will, have this thought in the back of my mind that I'm a bother to everyone, no matter how close I am to them. I feel like I'd be a burden if I showed how reliant I am on them.

Yeah, I liked it better when it was just me, myself, and I.