It's sad how some people just blame God.

With all these horrible natural disasters, and people suffering in the world, I find it so depressing how some people actually have the audacity to claim that it was God’s way of punishing them or that He’s the reason for their suffering. How can that be, when the Bible says “God is love.” (1 John 4:8). It would be hypocritical of Him then, if He used things like natural disasters as venues to make human beings get hurt. Yet so many people blame Him for what goes wrong in their lives. Well, just because God allows things to happen, doesn’t mean He’s the cause of it. To help put things in perspective: A human father who loves his child does everything in his power to help lead that child in the right direction. But when that child happens to fall down and get hurt, or another person comes along and just randomly attacks the kid, is it the father’s fault? Of course not. Similarly, sometimes things happen around the world… just because they happen. There doesn’t have to be a straightforward reason behind it.

(via my Tumblr)

"I can't ever imagine Michelle having a boyfriend."

Haha today as I was scrolling through text messages in my inbox to figure out what I should lock or erase, I saw the text messages from Herman a couple weeks ago. And then it reminded me of the phone call Priscilla and I had with him, and how Priscilla was like "I can't ever imagine Michelle having a boyfriend." Others, like Herman, thought it was an offensive remark towards me, but actually it's a hidden truth because Priscilla knows me too well ;) I really can't imagine myself with a boyfriend (in high school, of course). I feel like I've gone so long as an independent individual, I just don't want to have to rely on a significant other so much. I know I've never been in a relationship before, and maybe here and there I feel "lonely" or in need of a guy, but I already love the way I live too much to alter that. I used to think that maybe I just have high standards and that's why I haven't liked a guy for so long, but I realized that the real reason might just be that I don't want to like a guy. Even if I did, I don't want the relationship that comes with it. I'm already such a busy person, pursuing tons of goals that I've set for myself, and still feeling like I don't have enough time during the day. Having an official boyfriend or emotional tie to a guy would probably just consume my thoughts and time too much. I like the freedom and feeling of self-sufficiency from staying single.

The odd thing is, I feel like even if I do like a guy, my mind will be too in denial to want to admit it since I don't want any relationship to develop. I won't say I'm completely close-minded to the idea of having a boyfriend, but all my life I've been stubborn and stick to what I believe in. So currently I'm just thinking for myself, and have come to the realization that I really "can't ever imagine Michelle having a boyfriend."

But then again, what do I know? I'm a naive person. Maybe one day I'll end up liking a guy too much to the point of changing my perspective on things. Or maybe I have liked a guy in the past but was in denial too much to want to do anything about it.

Utter disappointment.

I'm feeling sad, angry, frustrated, disappointed, and scared all at the same time. I'll just go into details since only a couple read this blog anyways. But yeah, in my beloved dance team, people who I can call FAMILY, we're having our first big problem. Jocelyn might move out of Jeana's house to live with her dad in Everett. What does that mean? She pretty much walks out of all of our lives, just because her pride is too big to say "Sorry." Jeana, as an aunt, tries her damn hardest to raise Jocelyn, but apparently Jocelyn can't deal with it. I understand, she came from a HORRIBLE background, her life has been extremely tough, but why can't she just swallow her pride? I would understand if she wants to stay angry at Jeana, hold a grudge against her and everything, but by going through this venue of anger she's letting 11 other people down. Today at dance practice, as we learned of the situation, tensions were building because Jeana was giving Jocelyn the choice to stay or go. She kept silent for a long, long time. We were trying our hardest to convince her to stay, to make the right choice. But it was all in vain... she walked out that door, not being able to say "Sorry."

That moment, most of us broke down crying. I literally had not cried like I had today, for the longest time. I actually ran out of tears after awhile. Me, Lynn, Sarah, Bri, Monika, and Lashaye shed tears as we all gathered to fathom what the hell just happened... Jocelyn walked out on us. It's hard to explain what happened, it was such an intense emotional moment. We NEED her on the team. No--we just plain out NEED her. Because Royal Impact is not just a dance team, we're OHANA, and ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. Jeana broke down and cried like crazy too, of course, because she loves Jocelyn. For her, she really literally is family since she's her niece.

We used up a whole hour of dance practice, trying to talk to Jocelyn. To help her realize, leaving is NOT a wise thing to do. She saw our tears. She saw our pain. Monika even cried, fighting through her tears, "When you walked out that door, it seriously felt like you stabbed my heart, right here. (points to her heart). WE LOVE YOU Jocelyn, do you not understand that?" We used all the words we could muster up or think of at the moment, to make her realize, she is making such a huge mistake.

All the hard work we did the whole year, gone to waste? Does she not realize how much we all CARE about her? Her whole life, she has never had anyone she could fully trust, a ride and die type of friend, so I know she has trust issues. I don't blame her, she had to grow up with that and it was totally out of her control. But my gosh, it fucking hurt ALL of us, how she would really rather just try to prove a point to Jeana and hold up her pride, and let down ALL OF US. A whole year with the team, and suddenly she walks out. And just to add to it, a week before Districts? Are you serious? Not to mention State is at the end of this month.

WE NEED HER. And it's not like we don't want her to go, just because we need her for dancing and performances and competitions. WE WANT HER to stay. She's a part of all our lives now, because the dance team is so close.

And tonight, as Sarah and I were talking, Bri and Lynn were also in the conversation.. we were talking about how FRUSTRATED and DISAPPOINTED with her, and how now we really are just ANGRY about this. Not going to lie, she is being so selfish. I don't want to sound like I'm talking bullshit or saying something bad behind her back, because I love her and never do that to people I love. I'm just speaking the blunt truth--she's being selfish. Why can't you just swallow your pride, and stick with the life you have now?

"Pride is before a crash, and a haughty spirit before stumbling." --Proverbs 16:18.

If she keeps up her pride for good, and really does move, we'll all feel crushed. But if she gets over this obstacle in her life and chooses the right decision, I know for a fact we'll be stronger than ever. The reason I'm so scared is because... what if she really does leave? Not only is she such a strong asset to the team, but on a lot of practices she's the one who's constantly smiling and bringing others up into a better mood. The team is already so small as it is and we're already down 1 person for State. We neeed her.

I really do hope she makes the right decision...

Passion.

“Passion is passion. It’s the excitement between the tedious spaces, and it doesn’t matter where it’s directed. It can be coins or sports or politics or horses or music or faith. The saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all.” --Nicholas Sparks

I always look back at this quote, and I think about how true this is. As for now though, I need to get back on homework. I'll edit this post another time when I actually HAVE more time. But this week is hectic. Yeah, just didn't want to lose this quote haha.

Second Blogspot.

So, I've made a separate blogspot for posts on Tumblr that I've made over the past 8 months. Pieces that I copy into this second blogspot (Map the Soul II) are writings I've done that I actually like. I know on Tumblr sometimes I post really random, 1-2 lines posts or just reblog things, so I figure this blogspot will help me keep my thoughts more organized and let me see how I've changed mentally. Haha go follow it! :)

http://kuomichelle.blogspot.com

For my actual Tumblr: http://michellekuo.tumblr.com

I HATE it when people criticize music based only on fucking assumptions.

I’m no expert in hip hop or anything, but don’t go hating on what I listen to when you know NOTHING about it.

Today as I was listening to my iPod, another guy in class was wondering what kind of music I listen to. I said I can listen to anything, but preferably hip hop/rap. He replies, “Oh well I don’t like listening to guys talk about picking up hoes and getting drunk.” My best friend and I were like, “Uh.. we don’t either. We don’t listen to that kind of so-called “music.” We listen to the songs with actual MEANING.” He says, “But you guys just said you listen to rap! And that’s all that rappers talk about.” My friend and I were getting kind of heated from his stupid ignorance and said, “Wow, what kind of rap have you even listened to? Because rappers who ONLY talk about picking up hoes, in our eyes they don’t even deserve to be called real hip hop artists.” But, he still wouldn’t shut up about how hip hop sucks because apparently it’s ALWAYS just some guy talking about shallow topics like getting drunk at a club, over a boring beat. He took out his iPod and was like, “I only have one rap song in my entire iPod. It’s ‘Handlebars’ because I think it’s so funny. But yeah alternative is so much better because everything is a metaphor” blah blah. I got nothing against alternative, I just hated how he attacked my kind of music as if there was nothing metaphorical about it.

So then we made him listen to Motion Movement by Blue Scholars, Feather by Nujabes, and Fighters by Lupe Fiasco. How can you not like those songs, right? With Motion Movement, he was like “They’re so monotone!! It’s so boring!” So we said, “Well, listen to the LYRICS then at least!” And he said, “But they talk so damn fast I can’t understand a single thing they’re saying. They’re probably just talking about how many hoes they can pick up or something like that.”

At this point, my friend and I were really just aggravated by his ridiculous assumptions. So we showed him Feather, since he wanted something with a “metaphor.” and after a bit he was like, “The music makes me think of an ice cream truck! Cause it’s like a kiddie tune on a piano.” WOW, I was really getting irritated. Afterwards, my friend wanted to show him Fighters, since we’ve never met anyone who doesn’t like Lupe Fiasco. Apparently he got bored 30 seconds into the song.

We just gave up on him. We tried to help assist him in opening his mind to hip hop but nope, he still stereotypes it as guys talking about getting girls at a club and whatnot.

And this is why my future boyfriend will HAVE to have an open mind to music. Good taste in it is just a major plus in my book.

(via Tumblr)

Way to be picky...

What you said hurt me, mom. Not any offense towards me, but just the way you're being so hypocritical. I don't feel like going into details, but my gosh I am so aggravated right now.