Late-night Ramble, don't mind me.

Today my phone died by lunchtime because I had forgotten to charge it last night since I fell asleep by accident. And I felt so dead without my phone, which is making me disappointed in myself. Why am I so damn reliant on a little cellular device?

I hate being too dependent on anything, including people. Not in situations where trust is involved or I need a shoulder to lean on, that's different. I'm talking about being too dependent on them in general. And that's why my little crush-infatuation thing I have is such a bittersweet feeling; I mean, after not liking anyone after how many years (and back then they were all just little elementary school crushes), the feeling of having a crush-infatuation is always warm and sweet. But for me it's also bitter because I hate how I feel like the day is not totally complete if we don't exchange at least a couple text messages. I hate how I felt so lost without my phone when it was only three periods left of school. Even last Friday when I went on my dinner date with Lynn, I forgot my cell phone at home and I was pretty bummed even though Mom let me use her phone for the night instead. I have to admit, I was extremely tempted to just text him using Mom's phone, but after I clicked "New Msg" and typed in the number, I was just like Pfft no, it's only for several hours anyways. I can go that long without texting anyone, I'm capable of it and need some self-control. I had a lot of fun though so luckily I got distracted, it was just really hard as I waited for certain sushi to come around and had nothing to do since Lynn was busy chewing and eating, while I watched the conveyor belt slowly move around the room.

It also is bittersweet because we never, ever talk about these sort of things. It's only mess around, tease, light topics, et cetera. Even with Ton or various people I've talked to on Tumblr, I've had at least one deep discussion with them. But with Pogo even after seven months? I can't recall a single one. And because of Ton, I know for a fact that Pogo gets really shy and doesn't like talking about girls or dates or whatever so I feel like I'll never know o_o I guess it's not that big of a deal since I only have a crush-infatuation type of feeling and don't even want to get into a relationship, but still, it'd be nice to know if the feeling is mutual at all. Just for the satisfaction of knowing.

It's pretty funny, I feel like it's too out-of-the-ordinary to talk about certain things with him, like if I asked him about girls, or tried directing the conversation into something more thought-provoking, you know? Both of us feel weird to even compliment each other since we constantly clown on each other every day hahaha. But since he kept calling me a bully, I told him I'd compliment him each morning to even it out, so his self-esteem doesn't get super low and he won't start cutting himself, HAHA. When I first started doing that though, just last week, I felt SO weird typing out something like "You're so amazing" and was tempted to laugh out loud as I typed that because it felt odd to say that to him. I mean, we never complimented each other for like seven months, so I had this reflex almost, to go and write "HAHA sike" after my compliment. I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing, because it's not even that I don't feel comfortable talking to him, it's just that complimenting him was so different from my usual teasing him xD We're both cool with it now, I compliment him once in the morning and he compliments me back as a response, and then it's done! Yeeeeup we're weird.

What else is occupying my incredibly cluttered mind? I feel so out of it and disorganized because more than half my brain is just going "AH THE AP EURO EXAM IS NEXT FRIDAY" even though I haven't studied at all yet. I'll be sure to start studying tomorrow! Well also my grades are ugly, to me at least. It's completely straight A-'s and a B. From the last grading period though, I was able to get my C+ in Chemistry to an A- within one week, so I think if I start managing my time better and stepping up my game in school, I can pull off straight A's by the end of the semester... hopefully.